New Blog

I haven't blogged in almost two years. Crazy huh? Well a lot has happened since then. What was becoming a "normal life" for me in the midst of divorce, illness and much heartache, was turned upside down October 3, 2012. I was in the hospital and I got a phone call that night from my mom telling me that Patrick, my ex-husband, was in a horrible accident. Now, yes, Patrick was my ex-husband. We had been apart for two years. What could have been our 11th anniversary was 10 days away. I know divorces are different for everyone, but he was the one who had wanted the divorce but I still cared deeply for him. The past 6 weeks or so before the accident we were almost a family again. Him, myself and our six-year old son, Matthew. We were all happy and spending time together the three of us. Patrick and I talked on the phone several times a day and it wasn't unusual for us to grab lunch or something while Matthew was in school. Life was beginning to get comfortable for me. We were still a team and worked hard to co-parent Matthew. Now I'm not saying everything was perfect (although those last few weeks it sure seemed like it!). Through our divorce there were many arguments and tears. But we had reached a happy place. A comfortable place. So, back to the phone call. Patrick had been at work at the Whitewater center where he worked in the flat-water department. He led canoe tours and taught people how to canoe, kayak, etc. He was in his element. A dream job for Patrick who adored the outdoors and the water especially. He had dropped his keys into the river and dove down to find them. Patrick was an excellent swimmer and had done an outstanding job teaching Matthew to swim. So what happened next I don't really understand, but Patrick drowned. Somehow, some way. Today it is believed that he was under the floating dock too long and used up all the oxygen down there and passed out. I don't know. Whatever happened, it was a freak accident. His co-workers were able to get a pulse back before he was air-lifted to the trauma unit at the hospital. And now he was on life-support. The outlook wasn't good. I cried. I screamed. I asked God "why?". And when I calmed down, I vowed I would be with Patrick through it all. It didn't enter my mind at the time that he would die, but I thought he'd be severely injured and I vowed to take care of him the rest of his life, if that meant moving back in with him or whatever. But I was committed to not leave his side. Friday morning, October 5th, 2012, I got the phone call I never expected. Patrick was being taken off of life support and did I want to come say goodbye to him. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't believe it. I did go to the hospital. I did say goodbye to him. I put my hand on his chest where I had once loved to snuggle up. I kissed him goodbye. Patrick died around 2:40 pm on October 5th, 2012. There is so much more to write, but that is a summary of why this blag has been started. I want to remember, and share with you, how God has made and will continue to make beauty out of our ashes. "to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor." Isaiah 61:3